Striking the Balance

I’m immersing myself into the entrepreneurial pursuit. I’ve replaced Bad Bunny background music with podcasts for women who want to start their own business. I’ve signed up for free (F-R-E-E) classes on how to run a business through my local Small Business Development Center. My involuntary urge to waste hours on Netflix every night is gone, and my coffee table is stacked with books on, you know, HOW TO ESCAPE THE SOUL-CRUSHING 9-5 GRIND. All written by women.

But I’m not really here to talk about my future career. Rather, I am daring to say that feminine play is an indispensable tool for my success. Honoring the power of my booty, swinging on poles, and dressing in a fabulous robe WILL BE the reason I level up my livelihood.

Unlike every other time I signed up for a life change that required immense brain power, this time I will intentionally balance my masculine decision-making side with my feminine, spiritual side.

Navigating graduate school was a hard lesson learned on how not to let my intellectual-driven priorities diminish and devalue my feminine and spiritual practices. In fact, there were no such practices at that period of my life. Three months before the end of my master’s program, I suffered from yet another stress-induced muscular injury. Achievement was more important to me than taking care of my spirit and body. To top it all off, my boyfriend with whom I was in love at the time dumped me over text message while I was traveling alone in a seedy motel (crying into a luxury pillow at a Marriott might have been somewhat less worse).

I suffered immense heartache. In the last month of having access to the university’s health services, I rushed into the counseling center with desperation. It was my first time seeing a counselor. I was raised with the message of “figure it out yourself”, and so asking for help never felt like a safe option. To ask for support is to admit that I am imperfect, and to be imperfect is to suffer fire and brimstone in hell for eternity. Makes sense, right?

I received the exact message I needed to hear from the therapist, an older man eager to talk my ear off for an hour after I briefly explained the source of my heartache. I was clearly very lost in life. I might as well been a vegan trying to find tofu in a Piggly Wiggly in rural Mississippi. The counselor told me I needed a “shift in paradigms”, with a recommendation of checking out Eckhart Tolle.

And that is what started my post-Christian spiritual journey. After seven years of avoiding everything that reminded me of my stifling religious upbringing, I finally began to understand that I could cultivate a healthy spiritual life. A lot happened between purchasing a copy of Tolle’s A New Earth and walking into the pole dancing studio for the first time. I had to unlock many chambers in my mind, body, and soul over several years to realize that I needed to dance.

Does it Spark Conviction?

My life manual is Women Who Run with the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estes, a first-generation American writer and Jungian psychoanalyst who identifies as Mestiza Latina. I talk a lot about my feminine intuition, which could only be fully understood by reading all 582 pages of this life-changing book.

Intuition is the treasure of a woman’s psyche.

Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clorissa Pinkola Estes

I have on a few occasions found myself at a crossroads. Two very different paths. Always the safe route and always the into-the-unknown route. Proudly I can say that the only thing in life that really scares me is saying no to the latter option and then regretting it later. The conviction that I must make a huge life change always hits me very suddenly and with great intensity. Such as that time I quit a job without a job. One day I am running on auto-pilot and the next day I’m backing that plane up and making a hard right turn.

It’s my feminine intuition that sparks it every time. Gut power is what helps me make important life decisions, and it gives me the courage to choose the scary path. In fact, my feminine practice make me feel powerful. I make better decisions when I’m in tune with my feminine side. If I’m feeling confused or lost, an hour spent at an S Factor dance class or a chapter of Women Who Run with the Wolves will set me straight.

I have a lot of reasons not to change careers. I spent tens of thousands of dollars on that damn master’s degree. I know what I’m doing in my job and feel that I’ve earned my place there. I have a 401(k) and affordable health insurance. And I’m really good at my job!

She must simply dive in and stand not knowing what will happen next.

Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clorissa Pinkola Estes

But I don’t see a future in this field anymore, and I really want to challenge myself to reach my full earning potential. How else will I afford a wall of wigs and a dance room in my future home?

The best part is that I really don’t know what I’m going to do next, and I feel fine about it. I’m not suggesting that everything will work itself out while I dance to myself in the mirror wrapped in a feather boa. Gosh, that does sound nice though. Where does one buy a feather boa these days?

I am more ready than I have ever been to put in the hard work. Finally, I have learned how to maintain a healthy balance of mind, body, and spirit. Finally, I believe in myself enough to take this leap. Finally, I have the wisdom to honor my womanhood and use it to my advantage.

Y’all. Imma prove it can be done.