Dichotomies are everywhere. I’m seeing and experiencing the push and pull of feminine and masculine, dark and light, feeling and logic. The more I ramp up my sage and huntress goddess energies, the more I need to create space for my mystic and creative lover feminine energies.
I have actively been looking for new opportunities, putting myself out there, and asking for more as a 35-year-old woman does. My physical body feels the edge of discomfort. It’s like a whirlpool of churning waves is swirling inside me from head to toe. My highly sensitive body has enjoyed the comfort of predictability for the past few years, but now I’m pushing myself into a space where outside factors will come pouring in to my carefully constructed haven. While I ultimately feel in charge of steering this ship, I can never be truly certain when windstorms and turbulence will hit.
The further out into the masculine world I go, the further back I must retreat for spiritual, emotional, and physical restoration, and the deeper I must journey into my divine feminine soul. New challenges will poke and prod me. New vulnerabilities and areas in need of development will be exposed, and all of my insecurities will come bubbling up. I am only just beginning to experience the first taste of these growing pains. I know each and every uncomfortable experience will require an equally potent devotion to my feminine practice.
Which begs a few questions…
How deep will I go?
Which goddesses will I speak to and what will they say?
What physical sensations will I experience in my feminine movement practice?
How many wigs will I have to buy for some extra robust play time?
And what new hippy bodywork will I discover to nurture my highly sensitive body?
“No matter how old a woman becomes, no matter how many years past, she has yet more ages, stages, and more “first times“ awaiting her. That is what initiation is all about: it creates an archway which one prepares to pass through to a new manner of knowing and being.”Women Who Run with the Wolves, Clorissa Pinkola Estes
Dichotomies are beautiful thing. They balance each other out. As one becomes more demanding, I know I must tend to the opposite with equal enthusiasm.
As I look backward and forward on my lived experiences and the trajectories I’m setting into motion, I think of the Nautilus. My first and only tattoo is this ancient sea creature that symbolizes the way in which growth is accumulative. The nautilus continually grows new chambers on the outside, locking in the old chambers on the inside. When I think about what my locked away chambers look like, I am proud. I see some crusty, scratched up chambers of hardship. The further back I go I see some smooth, virgin-like chambers of immaturity and foolish love. And scattered throughout I see some strong-walled chambers of resilience and strength.
A nautilus is the opposite of the metaphorical spiral that moves inward, not outward. In this image of personal growth, one moves closer to the center in an infinite spiral that has no final destination, where one comes closer and closer to becoming their true self, awakened and embodied. The center is curious and keeps us coming back for the journey.
I started Feminine Play because I see evidence everywhere that women have been socialized and educated to devalue their sacred femininity. Many millennials in particular are overeducated, over adapted to a man’s world, overworked, and unhappy. Feminine Play is a call for a lifestyle disruption because we have an imbalance. Tame the masculine and let the wild woman run free. Like the stock market, it’s time for a correction.