A Dance to Express My PRBLMS

I have had the most powerful, jaw-dropping, embodied dance at the studio, and yes, I get to brag all up and down this post about it. 

It came about spontaneously on an unassuming day during what felt like (and continues to feel like) one of the most terrifying and exciting times of my life.

The studio owner gave us one assignment: seven layer strip and a song of your choice. I chose both my outfit and song about an hour before the class started, as I usually wait until the last minute so that I can intuitively choose what feels best on and in my body. This evening I wore an electric lime green halter top and side string bikini bottom, jean booty shorts, a black tank top, a fuzzy sweater, an infinity scarf, and 6-inch strappy black heels. I wasn’t sure if it all added up to seven layers or not, but knowing better than to over analyze a sacred feminine practice, I went with it.

I chose the song PRBLMS by 6lack. It’s a dark, angsty song that best represented the torment of emotions swirling inside me at the time. Because at this point, I have emerged from the death cycle of 2021, and a whole lot of emotions have come springing forth.

After a luxurious 40-minute sensual warm-up, it was time for the women in my class to take turns dancing to their song, and I was first.

I am at a level in S Factor where there is no routine, so we each get to dance freely in our most authentic fluid feminine movement. In honest fashion, I show up to class every week having no idea how my dance is going to unfold. Vulnerable much? Hell yeah. That is where the transformation and growth happens.

Seven-ish layers of clothing on my body, I took to the floor. The song immediately spoke to the dark, angry-and-ready-to-prove-something energy in me. I’m not there to prove anything to anyone else but to prove to myself that I am ready to accomplish my dreams, dreams most people would call absurd. As I removed layers of clothing (I should clarify that we never strip to nudity in S Factor. There is always one layer left on), I felt as though I was peeling off an old version of me, inclusive of all the self-limiting beliefs. I was also removing the negative energy that I never asked for. The folds of fabric felt like annoying problems that I needed to fling off. I lassoed one piece and used another to mop the floor. The energy with which I removed these articles of clothing was sassy, empowering, and cathartic.

In between stripping, I pulled on my clothes and let them snap back into place, as if to say fuck you. I kitty crawled across the floor and ran my fingers through my hair in an exasperated fashion. I stood up a couple times and corkscrewed around the pole, always finding myself slipping back down to the floor so I could slide around some more. My mind was completely removed from the equation. I was completely in my body and even single move was intuitive pure gold.

By the end of the most delicious 4-minute song I have ever moved to, I sensed that I had transformed into something else all together. Normally when each woman dances, those of us watching will hoop and holler to cheer them on. I, on the other hand, prefer silence because the cheering tends to take me out of my body—and I am in the dance studio for me and my pleasure only. I looked around, and everyone looked like they’d been holding their breath.

“Because when you unleash all the grief and anger and despair and violence inside of you, when you see and love and legitimize forbidden emotions like anger and fear and shame, you generate enough energy to light the Manhattan skyline.”

A Woman’s Guide to Power Unbound, Kasia Urbaniak

What does one do with all this power that we gather up through these sacred feminine practices, whether the practice is movement, a spiritual epiphany, or a head-to-toe look that would blind the gods? You take that sacred feminine power and fuel your masculine actions. Go out into the world to do what you do best, and the rest is history.

I thank the serendipitous universe for placing me in this magical place on earth where ocean meets forest and there just happened to be a pole dancing studio where I could rediscover the sensual needs of my body.